I guess I haven’t always been good at reading signs. we could look back to that cool June night when I stared into the stars, fast forward to that January day when you stuttered out “he’s mine, I’m not yours”
I wondered why?
did I pray myself to be done because at that moment I thought you were my sun and I couldn’t imagine a light shine as bright as you I couldn’t imagine seeing something shine and light up my life as you.
so we spread a part but a wrapped a string around my finger and laced it around my heart. I made a promise if you wanted my attention all you had to do was bend a finger and my whole heart would be pull.
I lived in darkness for years, it lit up a time or two but honestly I was just being used so I wrote all that I felt on to a electronic pad and if sent send.
and my words my mind my thoughts .. my heart went through wires and space and ended up in your inbox for you to read and you said the words
"I still love you"
but even though I wanted it I thought it was what I needed I realized that the light you once gave me was dimmed by the shine my life has become, and I realize while there was a string wrapped around and tied to you we weren’t one nor were we ever to be.
I met her we were young she was 17 and I was 20. it was innocent at first and became just flat out flirting. she made me laugh she made me sing. she was what I too busy thinking of before my eyes closed and the first thing I was excited to see. she made sleeping less appealing.
but when the flirting came to making a decision I held still. I couldn’t. bring myself to move. I remembered the last time I got wrapped up and how my light was gone and fear won. I didn’t move I stood still and said nothing and I watched you walk away and I had no one to blame but I tried.
and when I said okay I’ll move it was too late. so I decided all I had to do was wait, but I learned my lesson with the string while I can see the scar tissue of it on my heart the string itself was gone.
I don’t remember much other than durning that time it wasn’t that everything went dark it’s more everything faded. it was like with her she brought full color, and when she left it was as if everything was black and white and everything was slowed down food wasn’t appealing but I couldn’t stop running I couldn’t stop sleeping because real life just wasn’t appealing.
so I tattooed her name on my heart and I allowed her to see my dedication and love was truth and she pulled me in every once and awhile and I got it touched up and added to it. and I held on hope and prayed with all I had until the day I saw you walking down that aisle in that white dress.
I asked God why wouldn’t he give me you and I got my answer in different ways
I was too afraid
I wasn’t ready
there was something better
while all true it’s hard to keep that truth when you just want that one thing and I just wanted you.